THIRD PARTIES IN MARRIAGE

The place and the impact of third parties in marriage has being a great concern and a reason for societal debate.

Some people have defined a third party as anybody or groups of persons apart from the husband and wife. The context of a third party is not about the number. Like the husband and wife are already two persons another person who show concern becomes a third person therefore a third party. Third party phenomenon in marriage is not in that context. Not understanding the context of third party in marriage is another big challenge in itself. It has caused a whole lot of crises too.

A third party in the marriage context is one or anything that infringes on the bond between a couple. A third party includes a sidechick, a sidecock, a friend(s), a colleague, a maid, a servant, a driver, a pet, a thing, a hobby, a relation, a neighbour whose presence or interruption or interference in the marriage cause a weakness in the bond between a couple. A third party is always the one that causes damages in the love that a couple share.

Your pastor, your mentor, your marriage counsellor, your lawyer, your Doctor, human right, the police who comes in to repair the bond, the love, the harmony, the unity that has eruded a couple cannot be counted as third party in this context on just because he or she is a third person. These are professionals positioned either by God or by law to render services in the field of marriage. Counting your pastor, marriage counsellor as a third party and claiming that it negates the principle of two becoming one in marriage is an expression of lack of the understanding of the scriptures. When the Bible talks about two becoming one in marriage, it talks about bonding, unity, adhesion between husband and wife which is the antidote for divorce and separation.

Your pastor or marriage counsellor is not coming in to adhere or bond with the couple or either of them. They are positioned by God to carry out divine assignment in marriage matters. However, because of the corrupt world we found ourselves, if such should exist or be intended, then such pastor or counsellor could be working for another master, the Devil. That is not a ground why pastors or ministers should be grouped as third party, you only met the wrong hands. In every field of life, there are always the good and the bad. Note – not all pastors are marriage counsellors. That someone is married does not make him a marriage counsellor. That someone knows the drugs to prescribe for someone who has headache or malaria does not make him a pharmacist or a doctor. Handling marriage issues require grace though it looks simple. Many delved into marriage talks because it looks simple and easy to talk about.

Most singles and engaged people who concluded that a third party is anybody apart from the couple and includes Pastors, counsellors, police, decline from pre-marriage counselling. By so doing they deny themselves the necessary wisdom and preparation needed to make a good home, no wonder the rate of separation and divorce in marriages between the first five years is alarming today. The Bible is not stupid to instruct that young wives and young men should be taught regarding how to live well and in harmony with their spouse. But when ignorance jam with arrogance wahala becomes the outcome.

Some may have the argument that our parents did not go for premarriage counselling and yet had a successful marriage. But they forgot that in does days training a child is not just the responsibility of the parents. When a child misbehaves outside the home a neighbour who saw him will rebuke, discipline and advise him before the parents comes to know about it. Both the male and the female children are being groom as potential husbands and wives from childhood both by parents and the neighbourhood. A child will not be proud to misbehave in public he must protect the image of the family. These values are absent to a great extent in our world today.

Seeking counselling or advice from professionals, those whom God and the law have positioned around you is not an aberration. It is scripturally encouraged to seek wisdom by submitting to counselling.

The Bible says, in the multitude of counselling there is safety. Proverbs 11:14, 13:10, 12:15, 19:20

You need counsel to gain wisdom to run your marriage. A fool considered his way right but a wise person listens to advice. You cannot run marriage without counselling, at one time or the other it becomes necessary. Going into marriage is like going to war, it requires great counselling before undertaking such adventure. A fool who goes to war without counsel only goes to die. But the issue is, who do you seek counsel from or who do you seek help from? The Bible made us to know that we have worldly wisdom and we have godly wisdom. Your application to either the worldly or godly wisdom determines your apprehension and acquisition. Seeking wisdom to handle an unsubmountable issue in your marriage is like seeking the services of a professional Doctor over an ailment that has defiled personal medication.

Let us look into the Scriptures again.
God instructed the people of Israel that when they suspect their wives and they have no proof of their suspicion, they should submit to the services of the Priesthood for it to be handled – Num. 5:15. This is an instruction from God. When Israel have issues with their wives they come to the Priest. Today, the society has taught people away from the Church because of sentiments. Any teaching that sends you away from the Church and true ministers of God is an antichrist teaching and agenda.

During the wedding at Cana John 2:1-10, there was an issue that should have resulted in shame, but the mother of Jesus intervened to save the couple, the mother of Jesus cannot be referred to as a third party in the context of marriage. She was an authority. She was not a colleague or a friend, or a relation.

Apostle Paul and Peter taught about marriage. Paul claimed he did not teach the people publicly only but also from house to house. Meaning if he comes to a home to evangelise and there are marital crises he steps in to resolve it. You can’t call them third parties. These are professionals who have divine authority over the people.

In countries, we have legal jurisdictions who handle marital issues to protect the safety and the right of the individual in the marriage union. They cannot be called third parties. A third party is an informal personality without any form of authority or professionality who gets involved in the affairs of a couple or who intrude into a marriage union.

The misrepresentation of a third party in marriage is the reason why people die in marriage because of the notion that they should not wash their dirty lining in public. So, people prefer to keep the issues in their marriages to themselves rather than sharing with the right professionals who should counsel them out of their problems. One thing that may not occur to them is that when they refuse to share their unsumountable marital crises with the right persons for fear of it becoming a dirty lining washed in the public, by the time the weight of the crises in their marriages must have laid them down six feet below the earth, that same dirty lining will become a public news and lessons for others.

On the other hands, you see those who threaten their spouse with divorce, violence, death if by any means their spouse should tell anybody about the issues in their homes. These are murderers and agent of the devil. They refuse to see a marriage counsellor and they will not allow their spouses to seek help when the matter is beyond their control. Most times it is the women that sufferes more on the hit of this antichrist notion. This is the reason behind high mortality rate today in marriage. People who are suffocating in marriage who kept there mouth shout till they die of high blood pressure and heart attack.

There are people who shy away from the services of a marriage counsellor because though they are doing what is wrong but they don’t want their conscience to be subjected to torment hearing that their ways are evil and that they are the reason their marriage is suffering, they accuse their spouse making him or her the scapegoat while they continue in their evil ways. Secondly, they may not want to come to a state where they would struggle to refrain from the wrong thing they are doing which they enjoy.

Low self-esteem, lack of fear of God, lack of sympathy for the spouse, outright wickedness or ignorance, keep people from seeking the services of professionals for the marital issues they have which they cannot handle. Pride, over sabinus also make many to abhor the services of a marriage counsellor.

Obviously, when you allow friends, relatives, colleagues, ex boyfriend or girlfriend, a neighbour, someone who is not bound by the ethics of counselling, someone with sentiments, someone who has a romantic feeling for you or your partner, someone who does not have heaven in view and who does not have a deep knowledge of scriptural marriage principles, someone who is just like a roadside mechanics to handle issues in your marriage then by default the result will be regrettable.

Having an unbearable marital issue and refusing to meet a marriage counsellor is like having a deadly disease in your private part any you refuse to see a professional doctor in that field or going for quark doctor or roadside chemist not even a Pharmacy. That means you have agreed to die, period.

Therefore, when we say that you should not give place to a third party in your marriage you should understand the boundaries or who and who is referred to as a third party. I rest my case.

Evang. Bright & Ndidi Eke
Coordinators
Marriage with Heaven in view Ministry
08034162980